Bed Time Questions

Two somewhat noteworthy things happened today.

The first was a phonecall. My mom, who will return with dad sometime tomorrow night, called from some port or other to remind me to get Stanley (the junior) up and ready to catch the bus to school by eight tomorrow. As if I'd forget. It's back to The Slammer for me, too.

Stanley's pretty happy to return, though. He spent an hour today ironing a clean shirt and practising tying a new red-and-black tie he got for Christmas.

In the background on the phone I could hear cheers, shouts, and general shenanigans.

"Your dad's waterskiing," Mom explained. "One last go before we get back on a plane. But don't worry. I don't see this hobby taking off anytime soon. I swear he's nearly drowned three times. Besides, he's missing his trombone."

I assured her that I'd get Stanley on the bus in the morning, told her I'd see her tomorrow, and hung up.

The second event isn't really that noteworthy, either, except that it illustrates Stanley's brain functioning for those who don't know him well. Like I said, he's a bit analytical and asks enough questions to make Alex Trebek want to hang himself.

Tonight it was time zones. I was trying to get him away from the ironing board and into bed. It went something like this:

"Martin?"

"Yeah?"

"You know time zones?"

"What do you mean, do I know time zones?"

"I mean, you know time zones?"

"What about them?"

"Well, what time is it?"

"Here?"

"Yeah."

"8:15."

"What time is it in London?"

"London, England, or London, Ontario."

"London, England."

I did a little math.

"1:15."

"In the morning?"

"Yeah."

"Today or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"So in England it's tomorrow when it's today here?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"At the same time." To his credit, technically it wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

"So if I do something right now, to them it will be yesterday?"

"I guess so."

"So does that mean if I do something right now, in England it's already history?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, is our present their past?"

"Well no."

"Why not?"

"Because even though their clocks are at a different time, it's still happening at the same time in reality."

"Why? If it's 1:15 there and it's only 8:15 here, it's not the same time, is it?"

"No, it's not the same time on the clocks, but it's the same time still."

"How's that?"

"Shouldn't you be going to bed?"

"I will. How's that?"

"How's what? Bedtime or this whole time zone thing?"

"How can it be different times and the same time, too?"

Why can't I have a brother who just goes to bed? Or to boarding school like Allie, for that matter. At the rate he's going, he'll be old enough to go at 8 and a half.

"Because clocks are just clocks. Yeah, the clock times will be different, but in the great scheme of the universe, you're still doing something and it happens when it happens and even though we might label it differently, it's still happening just at that moment. When it happens. An hour from now, it'll be 9:15 and if someone asks me, 'When did your brother ask you a stupid question about time instead of going to bed?', I'll answer, 'An hour ago.' And in an hour, in England it'll be 2:15, and if some English guy asks another English guy, 'When did Martin Melbourne's brother ask him a stupid question about time instead of going to bed?', that other English guy will answer, 'An hour ago,' and then he'll add, 'and then he went to bed.'"

Stanley stopped and looked at me for a moment, tie in hand.

"Good. That makes sense."

And off he went to bed.